Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
