he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize