the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
