yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
