You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize