fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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