the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
