I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
