I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
