He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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