remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize