areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
