It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
