Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
