We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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