Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
