Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
should my penis look like a turkey
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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