Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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