You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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