her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
