Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
