Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
