based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
