i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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