Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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