I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
