Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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