What a fucking waste of an outfit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
