god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
