im drinking this country out of the recession.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
