Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
