Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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