aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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