after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
