Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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