Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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