i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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