There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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