My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
