I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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