hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
