yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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