I think i peed on brittanys purse
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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