All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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