He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
