Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
