I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
