it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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