there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
