sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
