Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize