I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
