FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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