Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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