Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
