I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
