"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
