so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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