you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
