Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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