You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
