So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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