the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
