My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You've changed since you got that strap on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
