I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh god it's open bar.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
