Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
