my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
