So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
