She's JV to your varsity
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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