feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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