Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
