I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
