Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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