Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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(989): View more from Michigan

i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow

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(740): View more from Ohio

you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

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(325): View more from Texas

The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.

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(941): View more from Florida

& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....

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