I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So many bounce houses so little time
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
